he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
