Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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