I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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