Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
