I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
