do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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