Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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