You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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