I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
