well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
