When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
