now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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