theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
