marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
