he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
