I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
