She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
