man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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