Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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