there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
