just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
