hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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