Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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