You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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