Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
