my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
YAS. BRING CRAB.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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