Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
