Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
