I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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