it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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