Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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