Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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