the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
