The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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