Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
