Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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