Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
