All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize