You made me cry and you don't even care
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
