you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
