i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
