sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
