He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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