fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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