we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
