Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize