matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
