Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
