I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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