Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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