u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
