I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
