Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
