Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
