I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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