Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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