The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Welp...herpes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
