I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize