Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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