break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
