he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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