i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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