Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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