My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize