You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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