I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
