i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we're making bets on your personal life
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is it penis luge time yet?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
