So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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