Just cropdusted the office
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
