i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
