Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize