so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
