I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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