Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
