then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
