As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
