Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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