Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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