After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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