Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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