i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
