He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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