you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
