capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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