Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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