I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
