I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
