she woke up with a sticky ear
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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